Hurtful words come at us and we spew them out. There is no doubt a lot of experts tell us how to deal with this, but i’m just going to share my own observations and experiences here. There is nothing scientific about it – purely anecdotal.
- Is the person tired and/or cranky? Careless words can be spoken when we get tired and we don’t think them through before they come out of our mouths. If this is the case, either ignore them or gently check to see if you understand correctly. But maybe we,the receiver, are tired and/or cranky. This is a real possibility.
Romans 12:17-18 ESV
Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
- Perhaps the words are spoken as guidance or correction. Oftentimes, we have blinders on and don’t want to hear truth. We might be hurt, but consider that we may need correction or direction. Ones who love us will correct us; if they don’t correct us, they do not love us.
And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
- Are hurtful words in response to something you said? Someone may certainly respond in anger or hurtful manner if you have attacked them. Step back and examine your own words. This is the time to remove the beam from your own eye before deciding you are the one being hurt.
Ephesians 4:29 ESV
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
- If hurtful words come from a person with regularity, this person may truly wish to hurt you or control you in a passive aggressive fashion. This is the time to rid yourself of any relationship with that person.
A worthless man plots evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire. A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends. A man of violence entices his neighbor and leads him in a way that is not good.
Perhaps the most painful words are between and amongst those we love most and with whom we are closest. Extra caution and more carefully chosen words are in order, though we cannot force another to receive with understanding, words spoken kindly or in love. There will always be those who are determined that what you say is meant to harm no matter how banal your comment. In this case, what do you do? It is, perhaps, simply best to remain quiet.
well, thoughts for a rainy day in Bergen!